Thursday, November 19, 2015

Another exposed technology aiding the wicked.

Lately, it seems, people have been using a new service, it is called Uber. Apparently you use an "app" on your "phone" to signal a "driver" who comes to you in a "car" and takes you someplace else. It is kind of like having a friend with a car, but instead of paying with compliments ("Oh, Bob, you are looking particularly attentive to detail today,like that dump truck coming right at us") and polite conversation you use money.

At least I think you use money. I haven't tried it, and don't plan to. Personally I would rather crawl through broken glass, wearing gym shorts, to my destination* than climb in a car with someone whose driving abilities, and mental health are a complete mystery.

Technology has given us so much, but, sometimes it makes us a little stupid. Hey, I need to get to the bar, ASAP, and have a beer, what should I do? "hey, why not call a stranger, and have him drive me there. Maybe it will be somebody famous, like Charles Manson, or Lizzie Borden, they have a right to work, too. And, if I am lucky, it will be a smoker with a car that hasn't had an oil change, or a brake job since Nixon was president, what a bargain, I feel smarter by the second, maybe they will provide lunch, wow, life gets better, and better... Oops, sorry about that.

Recently an extensive Whacko / Life Explained investigation has revealed that this is not some new technology, making life easier (for some) and more profitable (for others). Turns out the animal kingdom has been doing this for at least a while. Industrious beavers cutting down logs, moving them through rugged terrain for birds to use as a place to set and float gently across the pond.

In return the birds are paying with... by... using... Well, we haven't got that part figured out yet, and have some of the brightest minds in the breakroom working on it.

Either that or they have formed a coalition, a united front. And are perfecting the establishment and protection of a camouflaged supply chain. Allowinig them to lay claim as the dominant species on the planet. Rather than cats and dogs who have taken over most of the internet already.

Either way this is awful! Until we have time to work out all the details you should probably avoid birds, beavers and bodies of water. Definitely don't take Uber to the beach.

*Maybe I will just stay home.